GAMEDAY 9/15: Damn, this some good-ass gator!
Greetings college football freaks! This week’s edition brought to you by the brilliant strategies of Al Borges, Nick Saban’s wavy hair, the three sacks that Jarrod Mayo will put on Tim Tebow, and Les Miles’ refusal to talk about the Michigan job. This is one of my favorite weeks every single year!
Last week started pretty early with the Alabama and Vanderbilt game. I didn’t expect the ‘Dores to roll over as easily as they did, but it was the first solid win by the Alabama team. Tennessee played much better than I imagined, especially in the second half. Teams that played way below where they should have played were obviously Auburn and Georgia. The debacle of the week was the Michigan game AGAIN. Oregon? Seriously? Here at our house, the Greek burgers were awesome, and we floated the keg. Maybe that was due to the funneling antics of Chucks and J-Bone, which were extremely entertaining. Also taking part in a couple funnels were myself and Mike, but we looked like amateurs compared to the other two. We also took a good luck shot of Jack Daniel’s Single Barrel (which I NEVER shoot … it’s sippin’ whiskey, people!), but I felt it was necessary. Our luck turned, so I think it was worth it.
THIS WEEK
This year, the gator tail tradition continues. For those of you that were here last year, you remember how delicious it was. Too bad last year, the guys on the field did not have as much success destroying the gator as we did. This year, look for a different result.
GAMEDAY TV SCHEDULE
Mississippi State @ (UNRANKED) Auburn 11:30 Lincoln Financial
Good morning South Florida fans! How good to see you! This is a chance for Auburn to win back a little confidence, because as BJ always says, nothing is better at building your self-esteem than beating up the retarded kid on your block (an Alabama fan would know). Sly “The Catfish” Croom and Tommy “Catfish Hunter” Tuberville face off in this one, where … nothing at all is on the line. Well, other than the relevance of the Auburn football program. But, never fear Tiger fans, there is no way you get beat by these guys. Two things would be entertaining, though, if Auburn was losing or lost: 1) the tantrum that T-Bag would throw like those of you that were here last week saw and 2) T-Bag “taking some time off” from college football for the rest of the season, proving that for all the joking we do about Alabama fans, at least they are devoted through the good times and the bad. So, War. Eagle. I guess. Auburn by twenty.
Western Carolina @ #23 Georgia 12:00
Poor, poor Georgia. My prediction was WAY off. I can’t even talk about Georgia right now, other than to say they win.
GAME OF THE WEEK
#22 Tennessee @ #5 Florida 2:30 CBS
Auburn better be blowing Mississippi State out by the time this game starts, because this is going to be intense. I don’t particularly care for afternoon games against our rivals, but maybe it is good to mix it up a little bit against Florida. Florida has looked good so far, but they haven’t come close to being tested yet. Tennessee has no problem offensively, and some changes have been made on defense and special teams, so hopefully they have fixed the problems. Jarrod Mayo (our best defensive player) has been moved to defensive end, and he is guaranteeing three sacks on Tebow. Ainge is having a great passing year so far, and we have four very talented running backs. Arian Foster will have a 100-yard game. We should run, run, run, and run. This one is going to be a close one. The Judge has predicted that Tennessee gets the win. GO VOLS!
“No sirree, no sirree. Final score? Tennessee 20, Florida 17. PANDEMONIUM. REIGNS!!!”
“Ball thrown long downfield to Peerless Price … did he grab it? HE GRABBED IT! Where did he grab it? IN THE ENDZONE FOR 6! TOUCHDOWN TENNESSEE!”
- Both by John Ward
Notre Dame @ Michigan 2:30 NBC
I called Notre Dame going 0-2 before the season started. But never in a million years did I see Michigan sucking so bad. I even called for them to win last week, which was wrong, and that is why I am hesitant to do it again. I am a little more comfortable this week picking them because it is Notre Dame. Michigan by ten.
Clay Travis’ Thirteen signs Michigan has gone off the deep end:
1. When you ask a Michigan fan to show you where they live in the state. They raise their hand in front of their face, stare at their palm for several seconds and, rather than point to the area on their hand where they live, slowly extend their middle finger in your direction.
2. During the Ohio State-Akron game, Wolverine fans started thinking to themselves, “Why can’t we play as well against the Buckeyes as Akron does?”
3. Stucchi’s Ice Cream has a new best-selling red and white flavor, “You should have gone to Wisconsin.”
4. Formerly top-selling, “The Big House” T-shirts have been modified so that they now read, “The Big Louse” and feature pictures of Lloyd Carr.
5. Michigan frat boys have stopped playing beer pong and now sit around the house debating (out loud for the first time) whether there might be anything to the PWQWCDT (Pretty White Quarterback With Chin Dimples Theory). It holds that Michigan’s football team can only succeed when it has a pretty white quarterback with chin dimples. Such as Tom Brady. There are pretty much four schools of thought here: A. Henne is not actually white B. Henne is not actually pretty C. Henne has insufficiently defined chin dimples D. Gisele is the best looking beard in world history.
6. Michigan fans think even Charlie Weis’ Notre Dame squad can score double digits on their defense. This remains true even if Charlie Weis plays quarterback while holding a box of Krispy Kreme donuts in one hand at all times.
7. Anytime “Victors” (Hail to the Victors) is played they think it’s a joke by Michigan State fans.
8. Charles Woodson was so overcome with grief after the Oregon game that in a moment of honesty he admitted he stole the Heisman Trophy in 1997.
9. In search of defensive speed, Lloyd Carr showed up at Michigan’s intramural flag-football games and started timing everyone in the 40. By the end of the day he offered two white kids from Paw Paw starting safety positions.
10. Fab Five basketball probation is actually starting to look like a comparatively successful season.
11. Michigan sorority girls are so upset they can’t even finish their Chipate salads at Pizza House. Fortunately for Pizza House, Charlie Weis is coming to town, and he can single-handedly finish all leftovers. For the month.
12. Instead of competing for the Little Brown Jug, Michigan’s players have already started upper-decking the jug as a prelude to returning it to Minnesota.
13. In order to see a home win, Michigan undergrads have been secretly traveling 15 miles southeast and sneaking into Eastern Michigan home games in Ypsilanti.
GAME OF THE WEEK 2
#16 Arkansas @ Alabama 5:45 ESPN
This one should be a fun game, and hopefully the Alabama folks will be here. It will be on the big tv guys, so you have no excuse! Can Bama stop McFadden? I predict this one is going to be fairly high scoring, since the Tide has no defense. I think, surprisingly, that Alabama pulls this one out in a nail-biter.
Mississippi @ Vanderbilt 6:00
Before last week, this game looked interesting. Now that Vandy has lost one, this game is business as usual and again a “who cares” game. Nevertheless, Go Dores!
#9 Louisville @ Kentucky 6:30 ESPN CLASSIC
As I see it, this one is Kentucky fighting for some SEC pride. The Big East pulled a fast one on the SEC with the win over Auburn last week, and I am hoping that Kentucky can get a little back. Kentucky has the best team they have had in a while, and hopefully it will be enough to put up a fight against the Cardinals. It will be an offensive battle between the Woodson led Wildcats and the Brohm led Papa John’s squad. Go Cats!
#1 USC @ #14 Nebraska 7:00 ABC
I don’t care about this game, other than the BCS ramifications. Nebraska is overrated, but USC seems to play down to their competition. If Nebraska can capitalize on late-game mistakes, there is big upset potential. I don’t see it happening though, and USC should win by ten.
#21 Boston College @ #15 Georgia Tech 7:00 ABC
This one’s for you, Streeter [GT buddy]. Boston College has a decent team, but Georgia Tech has been playing well so far this season. I will be rooting for the Jackets to send those boys back to Boston with their tails between their legs. No Flutie miracles in this game. Tech by seven.
