United Countries of Baseball

Redrawn by One Droo Hill (by way of Deadspin)

Nice to see Atlanta represented very well in the Southeast, which is not really a surprise. And looking at the White Sox? Ozzie Guillen thinks that’s horse****!!!

Controversy over “Sam Bats”

The problem of using maple bats over ash bats is covered in a good piece at Yahoo Sports. Evidently, they break differently and are inherently more dangerous than ash bats once they do.

About two or three times a game. players swinging bats made of maple wood end up with kindling in their hands while the barrel – blunt and thick on one end, splintered and sharp on the other – flies every which direction. Pitchers and middle infielders stand in the greatest line of fire and do their best acrobat imitations to avoid the remnants. On occasion, the shard will land in the stands and harm a fan. And sometimes, as it did in the case of Long, it will wind up in the dugout.

Baseball at breaking point over maple bats

Romo-Haters Need to Stand Down

Disclaimer: Will and I are both haters of the Cowboys generally (Redskins and Bills respectively), and I have no special place in my heart for Romo.  I actually laughed with glee when he botched that snap in the playoffs, and I generally like it when bad things happen to him on the football field.

But seriously, everyone needs to get off his back.  People are hating on him because he has achieved what every one of us wanted when we were kids.  He made it to the pros in a sport, and now he gets to hook up with people like Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson. While Jessica Simpson wouldn’t crack the top twenty of “Famous Women Patrick Covets,” I understand why other people do (she has huge …….. paychecks).  Carrie Underwood definitely cracks that list, for the record. Oh, and did I mention that he’s also rich, and he can pretty much do whatever he wants?  He plays for the Cowboys, and as much as I hate to say it, they are probably the most popular NFL team.  Who wouldn’t want to trade places with him?

And you know what else?  He gets to do awesome stuff like try out for the U.S. Open!  Everyone gets all over his case for it and says he should be in the film room or weight room.  Leave the guy alone, he gets to have a personal life, too.  Plenty of guys are avid golfers, guys who were among the best in the game, such as Michael Jordan and John Smoltz.  Romo went out and shot a 75, which was just four off from making a qualifying sectional.  I love golf, but I have never even come close to sniffing a 75 … even with MULLIGANS.  That is impressive in and of itself.  For me, I say bravo Tony Romo, you lucky bastard.

Finally, if you think Jessica Simpson is some huge curse on the Cowboys, I have a news flash for you: you are a complete idiot.  The Cowboys don’t lose because of Tits McGee, they lose because everyone in the organization from Jerry Jones down to Horse Collar Williams is an asshat.

We should celebrate top-notch game like this and live vicariously through guys like Romo and Derek Jeter.  Seriously, did you see that guys roster?  Four of them are on the aforementioned list (listed in order of hotness): Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel, Gabrielle Union, Jessica Alba, Vanessa Minnillo, Mariah Carey.  Nicely done, young man.  Nicely done.

So haters, stop hatin’.  Dislike the guy and make fun of him for playing for the Cowgirls all you want, but don’t be all jealous because he has an awesome life.  It makes you look like you have a bad case of penis envy.

Big News for Vols Fans!

Bobby Maze has verbally committed to Tennessee! This is big news with the departure, er dismissal, of Ramar Smith from the men’s basketball team last week. Tennessee had some options at point guard in J.P. Prince and incoming freshman Daniel West from Saginaw, Michigan, but it is not Prince’s natural position and West is, well, a freshman. The 6′3” Maze is the cure to Tennessee’s point guard woes, and he has indicated he thinks it is a good fit:

Stevie Wonder could see this is where I needed to be. They’ve called me `The Solution’ here, so you do the equation: what better place could I be?

Maze is presently coming out of Hutchinson Community College in Kansas, but this is not his first Division I rodeo. He started some games for the Sooners when he was a freshman there but was dismissed from the team. He thrives in the offensive style that Bruce Pearl employs, racking up points and assists. He is no stranger to the level of competition he will face in the SEC, as pointed out by Hutchinson coach Ryan Swanson, who also happens to be Pearl’s former assistant at Wisconsin-Milwaukee:

Bobby is the consummate point guard, and if you like point guards that can score like I do, and like Bruce does, he’s a dangerous player. When he’s back home in D.C. he plays in pro-ams with guys like Kevin Durant, Michael Beasley and Gilbert Arenas.

Potential issues with Maze could be one which we also faced with Crews and Ramar Smith: academics. He struggled to qualify for the NCAA when he was in high school, and evidently, this also led to Maryland backing out of their offer for him to play there. Hopefully, he can take care of his business and realize that if he wants to play basketball, he is going to have to go to class and get his work done. I think Bruce Pearl can help him with a little “motivation” in that area.

Regardless of his issues, I think I speak on behalf of Vols fans everywhere in that we are excited, and this lessens the Crews/Smith blow a little.

KNS: Bobby Maze says he’s coming to UT
KNS: Maze would be good fit, coach says

Anyone See Miguel Tejada on E:60?

Here is Jimmy Kimmel being questioned by Bill Simmons in a reenactment:

Thanks to Balls Deep Sports.

About the Authors

For those interested in learning more about Curveballs and those of us who write on here, we have added a new page, “About the Authors,” at the top.

Touching Story of a Kid With Cancer

Here is a must-read feel good story from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette via Deadspin:

One of John Challis’ final wishes was to get to bat in a high school baseball game. Challis, an 18-year-old senior at Freedom High School in Pennsylvania, is dying of cancer. Doctors say he might have as little as two months to live. But on April 14 …

Read the story here: Perfect Game (with links to the original story in the Post-Gazette)

Here is the quote from the kid himself:

I’ve got two options. I know I’m going to die, so I can either sit at home and feel sorry, or I could spread my message to everybody to live life to the fullest and help those in need.

Eli Manning at the Kentucky Derby

Check it out at Kissing Suzy Kolber

More PETA, the Kentucky Derby, and Eight Belles

I collected some more logic and reason-filled comments from that blog posted at the Peta website because they were entertaining. Here is a smattering of the highlights:

A long time ago when one of my co-workers was betting on the Derby, I told him what I thought and he stupidly said that horses were made to run. Ignornant people.

i was in tears and will never watch this “sport” again. the anorexic/bulemic jockey’s should feel hard fines that will hit their pockets since they clearly don’t care about whipping these intelligent animals.

How many more horses have to die at the Kentucky Derby before this barbaric spectacle is banised from our culture? We all heard the horror story about the race yesterday. Stop supporting this event. Look at the sponsors who have invested financial support to the derby. Don’t buy thier products! Write to the Govenor of Kentucky to include KY Senators. Boycott Kentucky. Tourism dollars are big business. They will get the message when it hits their bottom line. We can make a difference so that Eight Belles did not die in vain.

How many horses have died in the Kentucky Derby? ONE. Last weekend.

All these poor thoroughbreds are bred for speed hence the weak bones, plus they are raced as 2year olds when far from fully developed in the skeletal regions.

The horses are all three years old, going on four.

I would be very surprised if Gabriel Saez is suspended, more likely he will be treated as a hero who went through a traumatic time. I hope that one day, somebody takes a horsewhip to him,and beats him to within an inch of his life. I only wish it could be me.

How awful!!! I am so sad about this!! I want this greedy, despicable jockey brought up on charges!! Scum of the earth!!

This is a cruel sport and everyone responsible for Eight Belle’s death yesterday should be punished. That horse pushed herself beyond her limits because she was being beaten by that brute. She gave her life in fear.

Why euthanize a horse who, some of us would adopt in a heartbeat? I don’t understand it.

think its real bullshit that they did that. Ok yeah she must of been suffering but it would of healed. Instead of killing her, just let her stay at the farm and never race again.

Again, she would have had a 50% chance to live with one broken leg. The chances substantially decrease with two legs. Adoption and letting her “stay at the farm” are fairy tale solutions.

Real men won’t have anything to do with it.

Below are a couple posts that I liked:

Dear PETA:

I believe that PETA goals, in general, are noble. I also believe that steps can be taken to make horse racing safer. However:

When PETA makes claims like this: “it’s a dirty business and no better than dogfighting” - you do a disservice to your cause.

The goal, in dogfighting is violence - that is the point of it. No one, and I mean no one, who loves horse racing wants to see any harm to a horse. At worst (and even this is debatable), there are some who are indifferent to animal suffering. Having been at a track when a horse broke down and was euthanized, I can say that the pall that falls over the crown, en masse, belies a very different attitude.

And, I can assure you, the tears that were shed by Eight Belles connections were not crocodile tears - and not only because of the money involved. Perhaps it suits your political interests to paint horsemen like Larry Jones as a monster, but that is sheer slander. Please, be above the fray.

Finally, while there are too many breakdowns, these amount to (thankfully) precious few deaths when considered next the total numbers of horses bred the US every year (though there are perhaps too many of those as well). Clearly, for the vast majority of horses, their bones can take it. Synthetic tracks may offer a better solution, but there have been breakdowns on these as well. And the horse I saw breakdown? . . . happened on the turf.

I work in the racehorse industry. I am a groom. My job is to do everything I can to make the horses happy. I feed, water, clean, keep there stalls spotless, brush - and do everything they might need to be as happy as possible. This is a very tough job with long hours, I get up a 4:30 every morning and don’t get to bed until 10 that night. 7 days a week. I sleep in a tack room no bigger than 7 by 7 feet.The wages are very low, 400 dollars a week. Many people would never do such a job, but I do it out of my love for animals. I’m not the only one, there are many hard working grooms dedicating there life to horse racing for low wages and hard working conditions. When you call it a dirty business only associated with weathly owners you are insulting me and basically spitting in my face. The rage I feel toward your organization cannot be put into words. I would invite you do follow me around for one day to see the hard labor I do to make sure these horses are happy before you write such harsh words about the racing industry.

Kentucky and the Kentucky Derby has done more for horses than this ridiculous organization has ever done.

PETA: Stop Embarrassing Yourself

Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
So meet me at the mission at midnight
We’ll divvy up there.
- Banditos by The Refreshments

I don’t know what’s up with the music kick today, but my two favorite things (music and sport) are intersecting in my mind. So get over it, and enjoy humming that song and telling people all day that your alias is Jean Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets (’cause they won’t speak English anywayyyyyyys).

The stupid people I have in mind right now are the brain trusts that run PETA. They think that the jockey might have known of Eight Belle’s broken ankles before she crossed the finish line in yesterday’s Kentucky Derby, yet continued to run her hard to the finish line They also say that, regardless of that, he was “mercilessly whipping” her. The group wants the jockey suspended pending an investigation, a return of the prize money ($400,000) by that great horse’s owners, and among other things, a whipping ban, limits on number of races and age, and softer surfaces. They are also saying that the horses are raced too young, which is equally ludicrous because only three-year olds are allowed to run the Derby to begin with.

Can’t we just pretend that the horses are racing instead? That way no one gets hurt and no horses are ever out of their comfort zone. We could all pay money to go to the track, gather around making a big fanfare, and then bet on horses that don’t exist … then we can draw straws to see which one we are going to pretend won! YAY! Man, that sounds boring.

First, horses are animals, and trust me, I love horses more than most people. I was raised on a horse farm (not for thoroughbreds), riding and helping train them since I was small, and I find horses to be the most magnificent animals on the whole planet. They are incredible, and they are smarter than we think. I have seen horses showboat and crave attention, even basking in the thrill of victory over something as small as a horse show. I think that if these Derby horses could talk, they would have this going on in their heads. They aren’t stupid. Second, these horses are born to run. They were bred for it, and it is in their blood and ingrained on their DNA. It is all they know from the time they are old enough to begin their training. They get hurt, just like any other athlete and just like a horse can have an accident in a field. PETA needs to quit grandstanding and trying to take advantage of this misfortune for their own agenda. Their website says horse racing is “cruelty that masquerades as sport” and they are calling for the end of thoroughbred racing completely! Hilarious.

One commenter on a PETA blog post on the subject even said:

I know you’ll think I’m crazy but I love animals so much I feel this is a disgusting “sport” if you want to call it that. I think in cases where the horse dies (and let’s face it, it’s only for money) the jockey, trainer and owners should die also.

Eight Belles was a great horse, and it is a total shame she had to be put down. She was a filly, and running with the big boys in the Derby is not something for which they are known. She finished second. SECOND. To Big Freaking Brown, who any of you that watched the race know, was head and shoulders above all the other horses at Churchill Downs yesterday. She beat the other eighteen handily, and that amazing race she ran is what we should be celebrating.

People are outraged that she was euthanized over broken legs, but there really was nothing they could do. Those people from the owners, trainers, and jockeys down to the veterinarians LOVE horses, and they would do whatever is best for the horse, which would include saving it if they can. If a horse’s leg is broken, it only has a 50% chance of survival, and that is only after grueling surgeries. And EVEN THEN, the horse is going to have trouble. There are tons of complications that can arise: re-injury, infection, and trouble walking and distributing its weight. They are not like humans, as their bodies, especially their lower legs, are built completely different. It isn’t as simple as setting it, slapping on a cast, and handing it a couple crutches to limp around on for six weeks. And consider this: all that I just wrote is considering ONE leg. What are the odds of survival for a horse with two compound fractures? Eight Belles couldn’t even stand on one good front leg (like Barbaro) to get into the horse ambulance.

As their website indicates to me, maybe PETA should focus more on their fight against the use of live chimps in movies like Speed Racer. Leave the love of horses to those that actually love them.

Peta Wants Eight Belles’ jockey suspended